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Mum-Hood

Real mums. Real life. Really funny.

Latest Articles

A Candle-Free Zone: Inside the Emergency Gift Drawer Every School-Gate Mum Needs
Money & Sanity

A Candle-Free Zone: Inside the Emergency Gift Drawer Every School-Gate Mum Needs

Every UK mum eventually builds one: the emergency gift drawer, stuffed with generic birthday presents, spare cards and wrapping paper that looks like it survived a fight with a roll of Sellotape. Here’s why this chaotic little stash is actually family logistics genius — and how to stop it becoming a scented-candle graveyard.
Locusts in School Shoes: A Defence of the After-School Fridge Raid
School Life

Locusts in School Shoes: A Defence of the After-School Fridge Raid

They come through the door like tiny, blazer-wearing locusts and make straight for the cupboard. Here's why the 3:30pm snack raid is a British parenting institution — and how to survive it without losing your last decent rice cake.
The Vaguely Literary Defence: A Mum's Field Guide to World Book Day Without the Midnight Glue Gun
School Life

The Vaguely Literary Defence: A Mum's Field Guide to World Book Day Without the Midnight Glue Gun

Every March the letter comes home and every March I tell myself this is the year I'll be organised. Reader, I am not. A fond, slightly unhinged field guide to World Book Day costumes, competitive undertones at the school gate, and the liberating brilliance of a costume that is only tangentially related to a book.
The Art of the Graceful No: Confessions of a Recovering School Volunteer Addict
School Life

The Art of the Graceful No: Confessions of a Recovering School Volunteer Addict

I used to say yes to every PTA email, every mufti-day collection and every ‘quick favour’ that arrived via the class WhatsApp. Then I discovered a radical life skill: a short, polite no. Here’s what happened when I stopped being the human equivalent of a sign-up sheet.
Tinsel-Necked and Slightly Damp: A Realistic Guide to Christmas Jumper Day
School Life

Tinsel-Necked and Slightly Damp: A Realistic Guide to Christmas Jumper Day

It is the letter that lands in the book bag every December, folded into a neat square and smelling faintly of panic. Here is a warm, funny field guide to school Christmas Jumper Day — the charity shop finds, the static, the sensory battles and the last-minute supermarket dash.
A Bulb of Garlic and a Dream: Confessions from the School Christmas Fair Tombola
School Life

A Bulb of Garlic and a Dream: Confessions from the School Christmas Fair Tombola

The school Christmas fair is upon us: a heady mix of mulled squash, cling-filmed cakes and a tombola where the odds of winning a bottle of wine are roughly the same as finding matching gloves. Here's how to survive it with your sanity and a tote bag intact.
The Class Bear Ate My Saturday: A Mum's Guide to the Take-Home Toy Diary
School Life

The Class Bear Ate My Saturday: A Mum's Guide to the Take-Home Toy Diary

The class teddy has come home for the weekend, and with it the diary, the pressure and the fear of being judged by a laminated set of instructions. Here is an honest field guide to surviving the take-home toy hostage situation without booking a trip to Legoland.
Glitter After Bedtime: A Mum’s Field Notes on Primary School Homework Ambushes
School Life

Glitter After Bedtime: A Mum’s Field Notes on Primary School Homework Ambushes

It’s 8:03pm, the teeth are brushed, and your child casually mentions they need a Roman helmet by morning. This is a sympathetic, slightly sticky field guide to primary school homework emergencies — and how to get through them without redecorating the kitchen in PVA glue.
The Forty-Two-Pound Smile: A Mum’s Field Guide to the School Photo Order Form
School Life

The Forty-Two-Pound Smile: A Mum’s Field Guide to the School Photo Order Form

The autumn proof sheet has landed: three versions of your child looking like a startled meerkat, plus a price list that could fund a small holiday. Here’s how to choose a pose, dodge the digital-rights upsell and still buy the photo your mum will put on her fridge.
Sprinkles, Panic and a Pound Coin: The School Cake Sale Survival Manual
School Life

Sprinkles, Panic and a Pound Coin: The School Cake Sale Survival Manual

The email lands, the smiley face is a threat, and suddenly you are expected to produce baked goods. A warm, practical guide to the Great British school cake sale, from allergy labels to the last-minute Co-op dash.
One Sock, Two Mums and a Lukewarm Latte: A Soft Play Field Manual
Community & Friendship

One Sock, Two Mums and a Lukewarm Latte: A Soft Play Field Manual

Soft play is not a venue. It is a society with its own currency, borders and sock-based legal system. Here is a forensic survival guide for getting out alive, and ideally with both shoes.
Twenty Quid, No Questions Asked: In Defence of the Sod It Fund
Money & Sanity

Twenty Quid, No Questions Asked: In Defence of the Sod It Fund

Not an ISA. Not a savings plan. Not something to feel guilty about. It's a small, hidden stash that exists for one purpose only: to make a dreadful afternoon survivable. Here's why every mum deserves one, and how to start one this week.
Community & Friendship

A Lid Without a Tub, a Tub Without a Lid: One Mum Audits the Nation's Tupperware Drawers

Every kitchen in Britain contains one drawer that defies physics, logic and the concept of matching pairs. I asked 43 mums, one school gate and a stranger in the Co-op queue to open theirs, and the results were grimly beautiful. Here's what's really in there — and a 20-minute reset that costs absolutely nothing.
Wellies Should Be Law: A Field Guide to the School Run Weather Lottery
Community & Friendship

Wellies Should Be Law: A Field Guide to the School Run Weather Lottery

Drizzle at 8am, brilliant sunshine at 3pm, and a surprise hailstorm in the twelve minutes between. A rallying cry for the three-bag mum, the boot kit, and making wellies a legal requirement from October to April.
Cardigan, Interrupted: My Life Sorting the School Lost Property Bin
School Life

Cardigan, Interrupted: My Life Sorting the School Lost Property Bin

Every other Friday I volunteer for the lost property bin, a blue tub that smells of damp PE socks and quiet regret. Here is what I have learned about nameless cardigans, one-eyed PE kits, and the moral minefield of claiming a coat that might not be yours.
The Dark Hour Before Tea: In Praise of the 4pm Mum Club
Community & Friendship

The Dark Hour Before Tea: In Praise of the 4pm Mum Club

It's pitch-black, someone's lost a glove, and the kitchen is already asking for tea. Welcome to 4pm, the least glamorous — and most shared — hour of the mum day. Here's why we should all stop pretending we're thriving between pick-up and pasta.
Confessions of a Party Bag Overachiever: The Tiny Cellophane Arms Race
School Life

Confessions of a Party Bag Overachiever: The Tiny Cellophane Arms Race

I once hand-stamped personalised name tags onto hessian party bags. I know. This is a confession, not a humblebrag. Here's how the UK kids' party bag got out of hand — and how I'm staging a very small, very biscuit-based downgrade.
Community & Friendship

Exhibit A: One Left Glove and a Fossilised Satsuma — Inside the Great British Mum-Mobile

Step this way for a guided tour of the modern family car, where a single glove lies beside a PE kit first sighted in September. A playful museum catalogue of the clutter that binds UK mums together — and a reminder that yours is, quite wonderfully, not the worst.
Permission to Serve Pom-Bears for Tea: Ten Ways to Have a Good Enough Christmas
School Life

Permission to Serve Pom-Bears for Tea: Ten Ways to Have a Good Enough Christmas

December has landed like a labrador with a Quality Street habit, and the letters are already piling up. Here are ten entirely legitimate ways to lower the bar, protect your sanity and still have a Christmas everyone actually remembers fondly.
Tea Towels, Tears and Typecasting: Surviving the Primary School Nativity Letter
School Life

Tea Towels, Tears and Typecasting: Surviving the Primary School Nativity Letter

The nativity casting letter has landed in the book bag, and with it comes a fortnight of hopeful whispers, costume chaos and quiet negotiations over who gets to be the star. Here is a warm, only-slightly-hysterical field guide to the emotional weather of primary school nativity season.